an old notebook fell off the bookshelf, and in it were these two bits of writing:

…where does it come from? Why do I hold myself so small, why can’t i tell anyone a whole story? How did I get myself so tangled up in knots?

gaylourdes writes in the conference, No! he says. I want to be know as she! A she calling herself gay. An academic queen, it’s so odd all this drama about presentation, of synchronising my own dreams with a physical presence that others can “get”, decipher, understand. Heh, gaylourdes master code breaker. I want to be masculine, masculean, I want to be enjoying my body for what it/I can do for myself, amaze myself, not always be caught in a look at my body with desire. I’m trained in the art of seduction, watch me disrobe, I want to share with you my amazement at what a body can do!